Almost two years ago, I ended a friendship. It had been a long time coming for a lot of reasons which do not warrant mention here as I am not trying to justify my decision.
We are taught that friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. The are as good as gold. They’re forever, so we should do everything possible to keep all the friendships we have.
If we were all to remain stagnant, exactly as we always have been without growth and steps forward and back, we could probably maintain lifelong friendships.
But we all change in different ways, at different rates. Some relationships change with us; others we outgrow. Some are even unhealthy.
The relationship I ended was not over a single incident or statement. It was pretty obvious, to me at least, that there was a growing animosity; a lack of ease. Some things bothered me so much I brought them up and said, “I can’t keep doing this.”
The best thing she ever taught me was that a lot of things are just background noise. That was something I needed to take in and make a part of my understanding of the world. Unfortunately, she seemed to consider my statements background noise and they were not. They were clear, honest statements about how I felt.
I got an email with so many misspelled words and incomplete sentences about people I didn’t even know that it was virtually incoherent. I wrote back and said, “Please don’t send me emails I cannot understand. If you can’t be bothered to write coherently, why should I be bothered to decipher?”
I got an email back with some corrections. It included the statement, “Is that English enough for you?” My husband of 37 years had just been diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkins Lymphoma, so I was not at my most patient and understanding of the foibles of others. But that little line, pushed me right over the edge. As I said, this had been a long time coming.
And I told her so.
She came back with a tirade which began, “I won’t ever bother you again, but let me set a few things straight.” My reply was that I accepted her offer and thought it would be best if she never bothered me again.
And that was that.
Almost two years later, I occasionally go visit her blog so that I can read the venomous things she still says about me. It is a bit frustrating to be accused of things you have never done and thoughts you never had; but what she thinks does not define me. What I consider saddest about all of this is that she can’t seem to let it go and move on with her life.
According to her blog she has plenty on her plate to keep her busy, physically, emotionally, and mentally. But every couple of months, there is a tirade. So far, I only know the tirades are about me because I recognize the situations and the quotes.
Not every relationship is forever. My sister was married and divorced three times. My other sister has been married three times to the same man — it’s a religious thing, don’t ask. People grow, they change, they move on. Heraclitus said, “The only constant is change.”